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Childish And Responsibilities

Lately, my parent always ask about marriage. Maybe it was because my age is already 27, or actually they felt ashamed of me marrying late, and my sister and my other two younger brothers will marry earlier before me. For me, i already told them i want to marry since i was 22, but they told me that i should marry when i finish my study.

But now, i think, marriage is something big. It's not only about happiness and love, but also about responsibilities. For someone like me who are still not used to something like this, i think i need much more to learn before i can actually declare that i can. And sometimes, i feel that i am too childish, too sensitive and  immature.

For the time being, my needs are many, and maybe one of it is marriage, but the most suitable thing for me to archive now based on my conditions is studying. Maybe god bless me, and keep guiding me to good cause.

Something To Archive

Maybe it's weird for anyone. But for somebody, it means nothing. For example, my first time eating cocktail was at my seventh year at Egypt, my first time driving car also at my seventh. I haven't go to pyramid that usually people rushing themselves to, and i don't feel it's pity or anything else.

Usually, i make my priority to something i want to archive. But sometimes, i neglect it so much too, and then felt guilty or regret. In these last months, actually i have many to archive, but time is also too short, less than what it should be to archive it normally.

But i still hope i will archive it.

After Two Years

Last time i wrote at this blog was 2 years ago. That time, my friend, Fairuz just married and I want to congratulate him. And now, he already have a baby boy, Fawwaz. In 2 years, many things happened. I already move to another place about 3 times. I managed to passed my third year study, but failed to graduated last year. So, I have to retake another year to finish it.

After 2 years neglect my practice in writing anything in English, it somehow make me feel uneasiness to write. Almost, this site is almost unknown, and have no reader at all. No wonder, it is because I have not wrote for long.

This time I want to write something ordinary. Something that any others write everyday. About the examination, which is about less than a month. Practically, everybody feel unsecure, more or less, depends on their preparation. But for me, I feel bad thinking that I study to face this exam. It is just that not me who doing this, after so many years I never care about exam, but feel free to study anything I like or prefer to do. After failed last year, my mother hope more that I would success my study.

It is not i'm hate to be more aggresive in my study. And it is not that I don't like to pass, but I feel it is not right learn anything in this manner. To be free, and learn anything I want, in anyway I want, is how I studied this far.

Still, learning and studying is anybody prority.

Congratulation Bro!

It had been almost a year since the last entry. Surely, writing something in English always ring the bell. About the memory when I move to Madinet Ahlam, secretly resident there, and learn to improve English in many way. But still, with the bell still ring loudly, my English still not improve a lot.

Actually, I want to write about my friend, Fairuz. Recently, he go to UK to earn some money I think, and secretly plan to get married. I somehow knew who his bride-to-be, even before he went to UK, and surprisingly knew about his plan directly from his brother. And, in this, I want to congrats him to full extend of my heart. Well done brother. You made me proud. Give your all to the future. I know you can handle this at ease, and perfect.

Maybe, when this marriage stuff is over, we'll completely be at different kind of level. But as a friend, so don't forget me as your friend.

So in the end of this entry, but not the end to anything else, I wish you two good luck. May Allah bless you two forever.

The Behavior Of Them

There is community where we are gathering together. We called it adabuna, which plotted to be a group of writers from the middle east. We planned to make an anthology that was began from the end of year of 2005, and have hardly way to finished it. To make it simple, it was already ready to publish and getting sold, but what I still don't understand is why the some certain peoples have to delay it as they please and made me mad.

I can't forgive them for their stupid behavior, for not letting me publish it myself but keeping it unpublished for years! Why just don't tell me for their unwillingness and say sorry? I don't remember forcing anybody to something they dislike, so if they don't agree with my offer, why don't just let it go?

I thought maybe there was some circumstances that block their way, or maybe for some other problems, but to tell the truth, I had already offer them my own money so they can make this things settle from the very start. Can you think if someone came giving your his finished work, and it was ready to get printed, and you just delayed it as you please for years, and he asked very politely if he could help to make this thing finish early, and offer his money if that was the problem you had, how could you delay it for nothing? How can't you even think what he would feel toward this simple easy matter?

And how could he describe this other than a word of stupid? That is how I fell. And it made me very mad, and if I let my emotion spread this thing clearly in the public with the common language which is easily to be understand, even me will not willing to stand it if I were they. So I pretend not to be mad in front of them, and be as politeness as nothing happened, and try as hard as I can to forget it, (and to forgive it). But still, I fell uneasy to not tell this to anybody, and at least to myself.

From the bottom of my heart, I think this may comfort me a little after this sort of hell feeling I felt toward this thing. May Allah forgive me.

Sing The Song

Exactly I can't even remember when I start liking this song. Maybe the rythem is special, so I've attracted to it. I don't thing it's about me, because I'm freely choice the things I want. But surely, it's a kind of pity to the one this song was made for. [The lyric and the mp3 itself download it from the website]

Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second I waste is more than I can take

and I know
i may end up failing too
but I know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

[And there's still something I don't know, because my English is poor] :D

The True Reason

The true reason of my unwilling to enjoy this great day with others is still secret. But actually, if I have to tell you one of those reason, it should be - I happy to celebrate it this way. For me, Raya is something no more than any other days, I can eat anytime I want, so, what the different? If you said that Raya is the time for meeting others, yes, it is true, but meeting others is not something that I can do only when Raya comes. Every times I meet others, I feel the same feeling exactly as others feel when it is Raya.

So, please not to pity me for my decision, it make me sick. I will meet you any other days, my the same feeling of happiness, just exactly like you feel happy when it's Raya.

And more, if you open your eyes and make your mind wider, the morning when Raya comes, everybody is so busy, and unwilling to pay attention on you, keep dodging for many thing to prepare or to ready, and have less times for you, because he have to spare some to the guess which is coming. [Except, he only had you for his guess, that times, he may pay all of his to you]

Anyway, please enjoy yourself this Raya, and forgive me for everything. May God bless you all

The Meaning

What's the meaning of gather people's love,
Do the right thing,
then you be loved,
Do the horrible,
the you be hated.

No matter you try,
keep gather people's love,
you might catch once,
then lose again.

The meaning of gather it,
because you keep giving it.

Gomenosai

I don't have enough sleep yesterday so I can't stay awake. I slept so long for more than hours I used to sleep before, and let hours useless for nothing. Then, when I wake up, it's already quiet because it's midnight already.

Although I plan many things for today, but since I slept to much, it is nothing than do nothing. Sincerely, I had a lot to do, and it should begin without any delay.

But, I do think to take a bath for rethink because it's too late for now. It's feel some uncomfortable, so I don't know which decision I should choose. Any way, I felt sorry even for myself for wasting so much times and do nothing. Gome

Accomplish Duties

Yesterday, I don't have many things to do, not more than take my time watching movie and poorly, only take few minutes reading books. Maybe, those movie I had were merely problem to me since I had to clear it (it mean, deleting it) from my computer. I always lost my attention to what i'm suppose to do, I mean, reading books and writing pricious things.

Yet, I think that all that would be clearly soon, so I must manage my work to be done soon. I wonder if it would took much more time, but it always make me tired, and on the other hand, happy to.

Have a nice day then.

Pretty Good, Huh?

Forgive me for not being able to update this blog for a very long time.

In the very beginning, I had no body to guide me writing in English, until the day I ask my friend, Saufiah, to overlook my writing skills. Then, I found another friend for the same duty, such as Suhaibah, Marina and others.

About last thirteen days or more, I downloaded ‘one piece’, a very popular cartoon adventure which contains more than 400 series, (but I only get 275 sequences) and pay some attentions so I can at least have some new words. The word (that might be use for public speaking, such as moron, brat) could be found here, in these series.

More than having fun, I also had chances to remember some new words I used to see more than once. Pretty good, huh?

Linux, The Other O.S

Linux, one of the top operating system after windows. That why I need to learn how to master it. It is not because I no more using Windows but since it cost free for it's 'open source', what about give it a try?

I just learn myself how to add rss feed to Linux setting called Akregator 8, so I begin to add some of my favourite website into it, so then I can read it without opening the page. Since it better much and more than keep typing the website address once after another, and even more than have to wait for nothing because the server is slow (sometime).

It is not good to praise Linux too much this time. I should say that - in some cases, window still have more credit than Linux. Maybe Linux supporter is much less than window.

Then by now.

My New...

This day, should be one of my happiest day in these three years. Because, I just bought a new watch. The better one from the last before. Which cost two hundeds and twenty five pounds Egypt. Casio. Made in Japan, I think. But cased in China. Sold at Egypt.

My first year study here, I wore a watch. It was a gift from my two friend. But it stayed my side for a year and no more. For the second's year studies, I borrowed my friend watch during the examination. And for the third year, I have a handphone which serve me at the same place.

Why don't buy a new one early?

There are many reasons. I don't know where I can get the cheapest one with the best performance. Always, the better cost more. And the cheaper is more risky to damage. I just cannot decide.

Ah. Forget it. Just happy and good luck

English Paper Test

Tomorrow will be my English Paper Test. For the third year examination. It's about less than twelve hours from this entry writing. Eventhough, I'm still not well-prepared for it, and the hardest part should be the swith language part; translating plural sentences from English to Arabic, and of course, from Arabic to English too.

Then by now. I have to catch this 'less than 12 hours time' preparing this subject. So and go on. Bye.

Leadership - The Three Types Of Leader

It had been a long time since I wrote before.

Leadership - The three types of leader.

There are three of them. One who is focused to produce targets whatever it costs. The other who has doing nothing but having nice behaviour and being respected, and the last one who has power to rule and to be obeyed, eventhongh he do nothing with it.

The first one is a machine. Due to produce and there is no hand of feelings in its work. The second one is a role model, and the third is a war commander.

The best leader I thought it could be - the one who gather all these three to mix in himself - productive leader, followed by it generous and behaviour, and also has power to rule.

Until next time.

My True Friend

Poem : My True Friend
By : Zaki Marzuki

I'm your friend,
the best one,
the only one,
when there is no friend,
for the ugly you.

Better we sit together,
Counting the star,
Until dawn,
And forget about being friend,
With the rubbish me.

Give me the pearl,
You stole yesterday,
From the garden of,
My true heart.

But,
I always wish that,
The shining of that,
Pearl of friendship,
Will curse you become,
The real friend of mine.

AL's Footnotes:
1. Zaki Marzuki is my pen-name.

What Is The True Meaning Of Madness.

What Is The True Meaning Of Madness.

Let me explaining to you the true meaning of madness. It is – a relax body with a busy thinking (or feeling).

Then, the main idea of this stupid meaning is – relaxing body, which is opposed the busy thinking or feeling. And what? Boom! Explode!

A madman who we called (orang gila) in Malay who have a busy thinking or feeling. But, this word can also describe a sanely man who have stress much (and are waiting to explode) by the busy thinking he suffer.

AL’s Footnotes:
1. There were lot and more out there.
2. It is you, isn’t it?

Baby Boy Or Girl

My friend, Nizam, (but we always call him – Badang) have a baby today. He and his wife at Kaherah now and I don’t know either a boy baby or a girl one. But (tahniah dalam bahasa Inggeris apa?) I want to congratulate to them both for this very happy news. Maybe I will seek them both (they were three, ha!) and their baby too sooner or later.

May Allah bless all of you.

AL’s Footnotes:
1. one sentence is better than nothing. I need to face my teacher Wannabe and have some advises, maybe. Can I? Ho ho.
2. Isk.

I Love This Night Very Much

It has been a long time since the last time I ate egg (macam mana nak tulis telur goreng? Takkan egg fried kot?) More than a month I think.

I love this night very much for this special meal. Thanks God.

AL's Footnotes:
No word to describe any.